Things Unsaid

There are many things that go unsaid. Think about all the things you wish you had said. When I think of all the things I wish I had said many memories come to my mind. Some memories are great and some aren’t. My favorite memories stand out in my mind. They leave me with a mixture of smiles, laughs, and tears. These are my greatest memories of all and I realize I haven’t spoken of them nearly enough. These are the things that are unsaid.

My father is one of my greatest heroes. I don’t know if he knows how much he has impacted my life. When I was a little girl I had nightmares almost every night. Did he know when he slid a church hymnal under my pillow to ease my nightmares the memory would remain etched in my heart and mind forever? All these years later I can still hear my fathers words. Keep your Bible under your pillow Regina Lee and your nightmares will go away.  That beautiful hymnal with the white cover sits on my nightstand. The cover is now missing but the beauty of the book remains in my heart. This needs to be said.

My Grandma is the greatest hero of my life (sorry Dad). She may have been the best woman who ever lived and she taught many wonderful things. I can still hear her singing in the kitchen while she cooked breakfast on Saturday morning. She tried her best to teach me how to make cornbread. She would say, someday I’ll be gone and you’ll want to know this. I would laugh her off and say, oh Granny, don’t talk like that, you’re not going anywhere. She’s gone and I don’t know how to make her cornbread. All I know is she slipped some bacon grease in it and she always used some buttermilk even though my Grandpa hated milk (she never told him that part).  I can only hope she knew how much I loved her. This is something unsaid.

My daughter. She has taught me more than she could ever know. Her laugh, her humor, her sweet personality. She has taught me to relax more, laugh more, and to not sweat the small stuff. She makes me laugh until I cry, she loves me unconditionally, and she has forever changed my life. I can remember rocking her as a baby and wanting to keep each moment in my pocket so I could look at them again one day. I can remember thinking, she’s my baby. She’s been a joy since she was born and she’s brought me more joy than she could ever know but I’ll keep saying it because it can’t go unsaid.

My older brother and all his rough exterior has a heart of gold. Does he know how much I look up to him? When we were children, I looked up to him. As an adult, I still look up to him. I’ve always wanted to make him proud of me. I can’t explain how much trust and respect I have for my brother. Even when we were kids and he smashed my pinky finger off. Even when he split my middle finger open. Ok, so I don’t trust him with my fingers but I trust him with everything else. I’ve always felt safe when my brother is near and it needs to be said.

My nephew. He was the first kid I ever loved. I was 14 years old when he was born and I was never more in love in my life than the moment I got to hold him. The first year of his life I taught him everything I could think of. I taught him to crawl, say, mama, say, daddy, drink through a straw and last but not least – clap his hands. I remember rubbing his soft baby hair, watching cartoons with him, and just wishing he would stay little forever. My nephew knows he’s my favorite (and only nephew) but guess what – I’m saying it again because it needs to be said.

My husband, does he know how he changed my life? How he taught me to love. Does he know he helped to fade scars I was sure would never fade? He loved me, he changed me, he grew with me. He has forever changed me. His warm hands on mine. His heavy leg on mine each night. His sweet pouty face after a long workday. The moment he looked at me and promised to change my life forever. He has done just that. He gets me and it needs to be said.

There are many more memories I could write about which are unsaid but these are the greatest of all.

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